One step forward, two back

I continue to struggle with being a Dom. Whenever I think things are going OK, I get a note from my sub telling me what a disappointment our recent session was. I thought being a Dom meant being in charge. Isn't a good sub supposed to do as she is told regardless of her desires or needs? Clearly if a sub's needs aren't met very often, she will likely vote with her feet and take off, but I really feel I should be the one in charge. Well I may be, but only if I do what she wants or at least give her what she needs. Maybe she is not a sub, maybe she is a bottom pretending to be a sub when it's convenient. Maybe I am a jerk for not recognizing her needs. She certainly expressed to me that the latter was the case. I was thoroughly rebuked for not meeting her needs and for misinterpreting her hints. She clearly doesn't want to serve me, she wants to be controlled and she wants to feel that control on the inside and out.

So what am I to do? I could find a sub that wants to serve. That might work if what I wanted was to be served. But that's not really what I want. I don't want to be a Master, I want to be a Dominant. Is there a difference you ask, I think so. A Master to me, is served and a Dominant gets what he needs by expressing his control. I want to feel the sense of control and overpower my sub both inside and out. Wow that sounded familiar, oh yes that is what she wants too! So if we are so compatible then what happened this week? The truth is that sometimes I am a lazy Dom and when I am, I don't do our relationship justice. That was the case last week when we met. I let an golden opportunity pass out of laziness. We are both married to other people. We are getting together for very specific reasons, to satisfy very specific needs, and when we don't do that, we are just cheating. So I got my ass kicked and I deserved it. It wasn't pleasant, I felt hurt and very non dominant, but she was right. She is almost always right so, I guess I'll try to hold on to her and try to grow. Maybe next time it will be two steps forward and one back.