Thursday, August 16, 2007

Thoughts about breath play

I have to admit the thought of breath play in the past has always scared me. I couldn't understand the attraction as I read other's thoughts on the topic. Occasionally I would see high school kids knocking each other out for fun,and I equated that as breath play and it make me shake my head and question their sanity.

Lately however, I have discovered that while I still don't want to render my sub unconscious, I do like the feel of my hand around her throat. the more I squeeze the more helpless she becomes. Nothing seems to bring me a feeling of control as quickly. My sub becomes totally focused in what I am doing, and waits for me to decide to either release her or knock her out. It provides me with an intense feeling of dominance, having that power, and I can know see what others see in it. I also realize that it is a topic that I need to learn more about, since the consequences of error are quite grave.

So that is what I intend to do, gather the facts around the risks and techniques required for safe breath play. I look forward to posting the results of my learning's. In the meantime, I will go slowly as I have no desire to harm my sub.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Work sucks

I know you didn't wait two weeks just to read me write this. I have been away on vacation and unable to keep up with my blog. I enjoyed my vacation, but it did keep me away from my sub, who patiently waited for my return. Of course upon returning, there is a mountain of work to get caught up on and little time to chat with my sub. Our lives do not allow much in way of communication except chat, so we both do the best we can to make ourselves available for each other. When work piles up for either of us, chatting becomes difficult or frustrating. Difficult, since carrying on anything but a very casual conversation requires some uninterrupted time which isn't available, and frustrating, when the either of us is unable to keep up their end. The resulting conversation is less than sparkling. and ultimately adds to the feeling of distance and separation that we have. We did get a chance to meet this week and after a prolonged absence. I find our first session after an absence always disappointing. I feel great pressure to be a perfect dominant, to make up for lost time and put our relationship back in the good place it was at before I left. This week I have to accomplish this under time pressure since our schedules didn't permit much time together.
It was a good meeting but I can't help feeling disappointed in my effort. I wanted to leave an impression, to remind her why we risk so much to be together and to live our needs. Somehow I never leave feeling like I accomplished my goal and this week was no different. Maybe I put too much pressure on myself, but she is worth it and leaving her feeling owned by me is the greatest feeling I get as a dominant. I can tell when I do leave that impression on her, I see it in her eyes. To feel truly dominant, I need to see that look, to have her enter my room as a busy business woman and leave my submissive. That's why I do this.