Tuesday, December 2, 2008

My domilogical clock is ticking

Recently my sub has begun to feel remorse and guilt about our relationship. She still values it, still gets something from it, but she is feeling guilty about betraying her spouse. I can understand, I feel guilty as well, things at home are good. My relationship with my sub has existed for over five years and that's a long time to keep a secret and "cheat" on your spouse. My relationship with my wife isn't sexual but my relationship with my sub is more than sexual. Being a Dom is challenging, fulfilling and emotionally satisfying. At times it frustrating, aggravating and annoying, but so is everything worthwhile. I don't want it to end but I can clearly hear my clock ticking. I hate that, I love my sub and I can't imagine moving on with out her.

I read the comments on my blog from women who are swear to serve and claim they get great satisfaction from simply serving. I have my doubts, I have had subs that claimed they wanted to serve and certainly were very willing to do anything I asked of them but they had a very real need; they needed to feel wanted and relevant. Their Doms, if they are good, are aware of this need and dole relief in measured amounts. The challenge with my current sub is she doesn't need that from me. She is bright, intelligent and in a very good relationship with her spouse. She is strong, fit and very capable of defending herself if attacked. She struggles with being a woman, feeling that feminine and girly are signs of weakness. She dresses in a fashion that no one will consider how she looks before they consider what she says or how she thinks. I call her beautiful and sexy and she struggles with applying those adjectives to herself. But that only makes her more special to me. She makes sure that as her Dom I need to continuously work on our relationship, growing it and making it and her feel it is worth the guilt and remorse. It's not easy but it noting in life worth having is easy to get and easy to hold on to. I love the challenge that she presents and I enjoy the great sense of accomplishment I feel when I make her feel like a sub and in turn I fell like the greatest Dom. Those are fleeting feelings, needing to be renewed each time we meet but that give us something to look forward to, something to fight hard before letting go.

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