Monday, March 3, 2008

Are we full of sexual problems?

Over the last few days an article has been circulated that states spanking your child can lead to sexual problems as an adult. They go on to say that these sexual problems are the desire to be spanked as an adult. Now I may be biased in my opinion, but I don't think that the desire to be spanked is a sexual problem. If it is, there are a lot of people with sexual problems.

BDSM is poorly understood by the vanilla community. My wife thinks I am a pervert. She doesn't understand why I could possibly enjoy this without being unbalanced in some fashion. I never had a good way to describe what being dominant meant to me. I was left defending something without a good argument. Being Dominant feels good, I enjoy it, but I can't put in terms that she can understand.

Recently I was chatting with my sub and we always talked about our sessions as mini vacations from our vanilla lives. But my vanilla life generally is good,I didn't feel I needed to escape it, so perhaps the vacation analogy is inaccurate. So why do we do what we do? If we are not full of sexual problems, there has to be a sane reason that keeps us doing what a lot of society doesn't understand at best, and condemns at worst. Not being able to articulate why I do what I do has bothered me for quite a while.

Recently I had a mini breakthrough. My sub was getting a massage and it occurred to me that I enjoyed getting a massage because it is so relaxing. I almost fall asleep every time. I am not addicted to them, but I enjoy them. A massage relaxes my body and my mind.

Then it hit me, a BDSM session is a massage for my emotional well being. It leaves me emotionally relaxed. While an orgasm and crying are emotional releases, they don't leave me emotionally relaxed. After a session, the Dom that lives in side me gets back in balance with the rest of me. I feel relaxed, not physically, in fact sometimes I am pumped up, not mentally, because most times I find I can really focus on what ever is in front of me, but emotionally.

Have you have your emotional massage lately?

4 comments:

Unknown said...

I haven't had my emotional massage lately and could really use it .....

Alice said...

I understand your massage analogy, but for me it goes further than that. Being submissive is a component of who I am, I need it. I have just started reading your blog, I am not married, but my Dom is. His other commitments and the distance between us do detract from the time we have together, but we talk or chat daily and he gives me assignments which bring me into a submissive state of mind.

waiting4him said...

i just found your blog while surfing...i married sub...my Dom is also married, we are not married to each other. i hope this blog will continue...
please feel free to stop by our blog...

SubmissiveSusannah said...

my Dom is married also. As with Alice there is quite a distance, we also work with journals, assignments, email and talk/chat almost everyday. It is important, I feel, to have that contact when distance/circumstances keep you apart.
I have struggled recently and my behaviour, to say the least, has been apalling.
I would be interested to know how others deal with the issues that arise when their Dom is married. Or am I alone when it comes to my feelings of insecurity?
I have a million questions...