Staying connected

One of the hardest things of having a sub that you don't live with or even see every day, is to stay connected as Master and sub. Our normal lives pull at us constantly leaving little time for us to renew our roles. It forces us to try to stay connected online. As I'm sure many of you have figured out, maintaining an online relationship after having had a real life one is a very poor substitute. Over the years I have tried many times to Dominate her online. I never felt very successful or fulfilled by doing this, and after some time I simply stopped trying.

Recently I decided to try anew. I decided that I needed a way to feel connected to her and when she completed a task or request that I asked her to do, no matter how silly, I did get a sense of fulfilment. She did it for me, why else would she do it other than I asked. I have even asked her to document the event using a digital camera and provide me proof, and again she complied. For some reason this time it's working. I feel like a Dom. She does done everything I ask, as soon as she can. I hope it is helping her feel as connected to me as I now feel connected to her.

Things have been going pretty well lately. We talk more, we let each other know more about what we like and don't, and we do not let anything fester as much as we may have in the past. Lately I am a happy Dom.

Stopping the spiral downwards

As you may have noticed, it's been two months since my last post. In that time we have had three or four meetings, none of them that successful. During the last meeting I left her with bruises that she had to hide for a week. Since then we haven't met, and thankfully last week she got really upset with me. She was upset about the marks, but more importntly she was more upset that I had not invested in trying to make things better. I hadn't shared the things that were bothering me and I didn't appear to care that things were going badly. It took a lot of chat but finally we started really communicating about what was really important to each other and what was BDSM myth and had no importance. If you read enough blogs and stories, you soon start to think that some of that stuff is real and people really like being treated like shit, or being neglected. The reality is that every relationship, vanilla or BDSM requires that both commit to each other and provide for each other's needs.
What does my sub need, control. Yes, if you have read previous posts, this is nothing new. I have always known this. Why was I more successful some times than others? why did she leave sometimes walking four feet off the ground, barely able to get back to work to tell me what a great session it was and other times, give me a quick "thanks for meeting me". When I started going through the activities that we do, I realized that some activities established control, why others did not. Those others, like bondage may continue the control but binding someone takes too long to establish control. I also realized that the intensity necessary to establish control did not need to be maintained the whole time, but did need to be re-applied throughout the session, especially after pauses. By going through all the things I do to her, I was able to sort through them into those that establish control and those that should be used after control is established. By taking care which activities to use when, I should be able to establish control and maintain that feeling for both her and I the entire time.

Armed with this knowledge, the only thing left is to test my theory. It's a little scary, wondering if this will stop the downward spiral our relationship is in. I am running out of ideas, but I am not ready to give up.

Thoughts about breath play

I have to admit the thought of breath play in the past has always scared me. I couldn't understand the attraction as I read other's thoughts on the topic. Occasionally I would see high school kids knocking each other out for fun,and I equated that as breath play and it make me shake my head and question their sanity.

Lately however, I have discovered that while I still don't want to render my sub unconscious, I do like the feel of my hand around her throat. the more I squeeze the more helpless she becomes. Nothing seems to bring me a feeling of control as quickly. My sub becomes totally focused in what I am doing, and waits for me to decide to either release her or knock her out. It provides me with an intense feeling of dominance, having that power, and I can know see what others see in it. I also realize that it is a topic that I need to learn more about, since the consequences of error are quite grave.

So that is what I intend to do, gather the facts around the risks and techniques required for safe breath play. I look forward to posting the results of my learning's. In the meantime, I will go slowly as I have no desire to harm my sub.

Work sucks

I know you didn't wait two weeks just to read me write this. I have been away on vacation and unable to keep up with my blog. I enjoyed my vacation, but it did keep me away from my sub, who patiently waited for my return. Of course upon returning, there is a mountain of work to get caught up on and little time to chat with my sub. Our lives do not allow much in way of communication except chat, so we both do the best we can to make ourselves available for each other. When work piles up for either of us, chatting becomes difficult or frustrating. Difficult, since carrying on anything but a very casual conversation requires some uninterrupted time which isn't available, and frustrating, when the either of us is unable to keep up their end. The resulting conversation is less than sparkling. and ultimately adds to the feeling of distance and separation that we have. We did get a chance to meet this week and after a prolonged absence. I find our first session after an absence always disappointing. I feel great pressure to be a perfect dominant, to make up for lost time and put our relationship back in the good place it was at before I left. This week I have to accomplish this under time pressure since our schedules didn't permit much time together.
It was a good meeting but I can't help feeling disappointed in my effort. I wanted to leave an impression, to remind her why we risk so much to be together and to live our needs. Somehow I never leave feeling like I accomplished my goal and this week was no different. Maybe I put too much pressure on myself, but she is worth it and leaving her feeling owned by me is the greatest feeling I get as a dominant. I can tell when I do leave that impression on her, I see it in her eyes. To feel truly dominant, I need to see that look, to have her enter my room as a busy business woman and leave my submissive. That's why I do this.

A good place

It's big a while since. I last posted, due in large part to an extraordinarily busy travel schedule. We haven't been able to get together in over two weeks and I find myself missing her greatly. It's not our first pause, and each time they happen I find myself reflecting on our relationship, and this time is no different. We are in a good place now with both of us enjoying ourselves and getting what we need. Sometimes our pauses have caused us to drift apart, due in large part to some pretty ineffective sessions prior to our break. This time seems different, likely because our recent sessions have been much better. Am I finally getting the hang of being a Dom? Boy I hope so. Being a good Dom is not easy. Too often I read about Doms whose relationship is completely one sided; everything is about them. and no thought is given to their sub's needs. As a new Dom I read a number of blogs and stories like this and foolishly felt I could act like an egocentric jerk and everything would be OK since her desire was to please me. Today I know how dumb that is and how her desire to please is born from my ability to satisfy her needs.
Our break is almost over and soon we will be able to resume our journey. I for one, can't wait to remind her in my own special way how important she is to me.

I love to make her shudder

Not every session works out, but all sessions help to further the understanding of each other, our needs and desires. Sometimes, though, I get it right! Our latest session was one that worked out we'll and reminds us why we do this.
I can still see her now, tied securely with a spreader bar between her wrists, pushing her pussy out to meet my crop at my request. I remember the conflict visible on her face, when she struggled to honor my request and open herself up to more pain. I can remember how erotic is was to pound her pussy with a large inflatable dildo while slapping at her clit with my hand. And finally, I know what a great session it was, because I watched her shudder uncontrollable from the sensory assault on her body.

Sometimes I wonder what to do

The nature of our relationship restricts what and where we can enjoy each other. Most of the time that means restricting ourselves to a hotel room. It also means that sometimes we get together at the last minute with no time to plan. As I drive over to meet her, I sometimes wonder about what to do. Our time together is limited and I want it to be great. When I have no time to plan, I worry I am going to create a session which is identical to a previous one. I want to walk away from our time together feeling good, feeling like the Dom she wants me to be and the Dom that I enjoy being. If I create a less than great session, I don't feel that way, and I know she doesn't either. Sometimes I have every minute of our session planned, from the moment the door opened, until the time we leave and other times I haven't a clue what I am going to do. Funny thing is, some of the unplanned sessions have been our best and some of the planned ones haven't gone as well as they did in my mind. I am not a planner, I am a spontaneous person, living for the moment,and I don't enjoy planning. But the sessions I plan generally go better than the ones I don't. So for her, I will endeavour to plan our sessions whenever I can.

I thought you might enjoy this picture of my sub. She kindly agreed to let me display pictures of her here

Lastly, I want to thank those took the time to comment. It is much appreciated.